I was expecting twin girls, my 20 week scan was fine, everything was ok, two perfectly healthy baby girls.
Little less than 3 weeks later my whole world changed, i was at work and begun getting cramps and had clear liquid coming from me.
The next day it got worse so i phoned the delivery suite telling them it was hard to sit or stand and was in a lot of pain and also said about the clear liquid, I was told i was not in labour and to take some tablets and not to go in untill the next day if not any better.
I woke up in the early hours of the morning in unbearable pain i couldnt do anything, i tried having a bath to see if it would settle, no luck.
My mum came with me to the hospital and i was checked internally, I was then told i was 1cm dilated and was in early labour.
My partner rushed to the hospital , i was given a cervical stitch, but straight away the contractions worsened so i had to have it removed otherwise my cervix would rip open,
a consultant came to tell me the bad news that they were coming and will not be given any help to survive, at the time i did not understand what he was saying as he had strong accent and he just left the room, i never took it in at all i was just left puzzled.
My babies were born 2 days later at 22+4 days gestation,
My first was born at 2.42 am on 14th october 2007 and weighed just 420g, followed by the second the same day at 2.49am weighing 415g.
when i was giving birth the midwife kept leaving the room , and wasnt guiding me through, i was so scared and didnt know what i was doing they were my first babies.
They were both born breech.
I didnt see my babies untill 4 hours after birth,im not sure why? they came out holding hands dressed in tiny white knitted outfits , wrapped in pink blankets.
I was not sad at first i was so proud i couldnt believe how beautiful they were and they were mine.
We named them Ella and Jaya.
Straight away we had post mortom and funeral options shoved in our face and i choose to have cremation because my sisters were both cremated, i wish it had been talked to properly about the options as i regret it now.
I feel i was treated unfair by alot of the staff because i was only 20 years old but looked alot younger, i was made to cover my babies up when swapping rooms.
i wasnt discharged properly and was left to walk past all the new mummys bringing there baby home.
i was never told where my babys would be and that i could visit them.
i never got a birth or death certificate although they were born breathing its very unfair, they werent nothing they were two baby girls!
6 weeks later i had to go back to hospital to review what happened, post mortom states they were perfectly healthy just the fact they were small, i am still confused as to why i went into early labour, i was very very ill during labour and dont know why or what happened,
i have had a son scince this and he was a healthy 8lb 11oz, but when i had check ups and i would express my fears the hospital would brush me off like i was being silly like it wasnt a big deal.
i wish i know what happened??? i dont feel like i can move on or accept it as i dont know what happend and why? im always thinking what if, and if there was something i could do?

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