I was 28 weeks into a seemingly normal pregnancy when a routine visit to the midwife caused alarm as my blood pressure was quite high. I was taken into my local hospital in Ashford and monitored. I stayed in for 4 days and was given medication to control my blood pressure. I was allowed home for the weekend on condition I had alot of rest. I returned on the Monday and when checked my blood pressure was even higher and increasing. I was put on immediate bed rest and a different medication but was told all was well and I would probably have to spend the next couple of months in hospital.
Later that night a nurse put a trace on my baby and she became so concerned that a doctor was called and before I knew it I was being wheeled to theatre for an emergency cesarean under general anaesthetic. Not quite the water birth I had planned!! It was very frightening and my husband was told that there was only a 30% chance our little one would make it. Flynn was born weighing 2lb 2oz and was rushed to the neonatal ward to be stabilised and then they would drive him to the nearest hospital with an intensive care bed which luckily was only half an hour away. My husband followed the ambulance and my mum stayed with me. I was just in shock at that point and didn't see my son until 3 days later when my mum had to drive me to the hospital as no ambulance was available to take me.
When I saw him I really thought there was no way he would survive. I had never seen anything so small and the intensive care ward is just that, a very intense place. Lots of noise and staff busy keeping these precious lives safe. I was very frightened and felt I was getting in their way. There was little I could do for my son at that time and I felt useless and could not bond with this red scrap in the plastic box. He was ventilated for only five days and didn't need Cpap which made a big difference and he was a fighter from the start. He would pull out tubes so they put mittens on him but he would put them in his mouth and pull them off! I was finally able to hold him when he was a week old but he looked a bit like ET with his red SATS monitor on his hand!! It was only then I could really start to bond with him and I would sit by the incubator for hours just willing him to get stronger and better. Every day another milestone was reached, he would come off a medication or a tube would come out. I would attend every morning when the doctors would stand around and assess his care, willing them to tell me good news. After two weeks he was discharged from intensive care and allowed to travel back to Ashford where we would spend the next 8 weeks feeding him and weighing him, hoping to get him home in time for Christmas. He needed a blood transfusion at 9 weeks old as he wasn't feeding and was sleeping constantly but once he had that it was a different child, we could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Suddenly though I realised i didn't want him to leave the hospital, he was safe there, his breathing monitored constantly, the temperature constant, qualified nurses and doctors close by, I was petrified at the thought of leaving our new home!
Flynn came home on the 22nd December 2003 just in time for Christmas as I had hoped!
Once we had settled in at home and our phone calls to the hospital were less frequent, we would check if we were doing everything right, it eventually felt like we were a family but it has taken me a very long time to come to terms with what happened to us and it is something only those who have experienced it can know. Having a premature baby is an ongoing experience, you constantly worry if what they went through will affect them later in life. Thankfully Flynn is a healthy, happy child and seems to have suffered no long term damage but it is something I would wish no-one should go through. We urgently need more research into why we have such high rates of premature birth and also better aftercare for mothers. My health visitor seemed to know little about prem babies or where to direct me. She should have got me in contact with other mums that had had a similar experience. I need to make something positive come out of my experience, if I can help others then it will help me come to terms with it.

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